Show Me How To Grieve
by cadeeo
Summary: Join Jasper as he looses Alice and finds himself something new. 1st chap can be read as a one-shot, the next i rec reading them in order
1. 1

**Show Me How To Grieve…** Author: Cadeeo Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Meyer. Blah, blah, woof, woof…

_Summery_: Join Jasper as he looses Alice and finds himself something new.

A/N: Because I love you.

--

Show me how to live…

-

Alice dies.

He grieves.

Everything is cold and black, no colours, total darkness, body, heart and soul.

Tears slide down his face as Carlisle grabs a hold of his arm and drags him away from the enemy vampires, growling proudly at their kill, the fire burning his nostrils with the unsettling, _familiar_, smell of the brutal death of his kind.

-

Bella tries to keep him sane, but he was relentless. Nothing works.

His dead heart contracts painfully, he gasps, falling to his knees in a crumbled heap. Every night now, with no break, came the nightmares because Alice wouldn't be in the heaven the Bible tried to describe.

They have no place in God's paradise.

Nocturnal creatures.

Impure.

-

Esme is no comfort, only more unbearable pain.

-

Emmett slaps his arm, trying to comforting, and urges him to hunt his sorrow away.

-

Rosalie cries, her blonde hair covering her sorrow.

-

He only stares at Carlisle, not willing to listen to one word the old doctor has to say, clan leader or not. He is Jasper Hale, not fucking Jasper Cullen. He has lived his own life before them, however bleak and unimportant it had been.

-

Nessy had rebelled against the family year ago.

-

Jacob calls Bella. At least he cares.

-

They are all so fucking sorry.

-

He leaves in the darkness of midnight, his yellow eyes glittering dangerously and makes animals scurry out of his way.

He doesn't look back; saw no reason for it. With her oh-so-beautiful soul lost and gone to an unseen force, what reason does he have to stay?

There are none.

-

He hadn't even flinched when he killed for blood, a young girl being on his path, hiking in the woods alone. He leaves the body to decay in a green meadow of Washington and steals the money from her wallet.

He is free and his eyes glow ruby-red in the darkness.

-

It's years until he sees any of them again. The werewolves stand behind the Cullens, but something is wrong.

Something has changed. Their dynamic that made them so unique, has changed.

Nessy is back, standing beside Jacob with an air of indifference, so far away from Edward's guarded misery and Bella's steely face. Their little family fell apart.

He silently laughs, and Edward stares at him with loathing. He knew it would never last, but had buried it in the dark corners of his mind, but now he lets it come forward because he is still in pain and he want everyone else to be in pain too.

Edward just happens to be an easy target.

-

Bella left him seven years ago, Rosalie informs him, gloating. The only thing keeping the youngest vampire there are the presence of family and even that excuse is wearing thin.

-

He seeks her out, finding her in the middle of a kill and he watches her carefully tear the deer apart with vampire accuracy and years of training.

It's been sixty years already.

For no particular reason, the sun catches her skin and she is illuminated, glittering, and he has found the potential missing piece of his heart.

She looks up at him and he can see the red tint in her eyes. She has been feeding on human blood.

-

Show me how to kill…

-


	2. 2

**Show Me How To Grieve… 2**

_Author_: Cadeeo

_Date_: 12/17-02

_A/N_: Oh man. I promised myself I wouldn't do it. Ah well, too late. To the TwiFreaks (you know who you are), I miss you and love you and here's the second part that was inspired by getting addicted to the Vampire Diaries (Damon forever).

_Summery_: Continuation. Jasper lives on… with Bella.

-

_Show me how to hunt…_

-

They arrive in Volterra in the middle of the night. The moon is full, the stars are shining and the glittering flashes from the light of the houses makes Bella's hair shine…

Aro greets them with Jane by his side. His arms are open and he asks no questions.

They belong to the Volturi now.

-

They hunt and kill and slay and murder! It's all fun and games and Jasper has never felt more alive.

Human blood floats in his dead veins. It makes him stronger, makes his ability to control the emotions around him a big asset in the never-ending fights.

He may not have Jane's ability to send a thousand needles through your body or Demitri's ability to track, but he's smart. With Bella, the untouchable and legendary vampire who left her mate to follow a brother instead, on his side, they quickly rise.

Power courses through his veins…

Hunger for the warmth of human blood makes him strong…

Makes him smarter…

Makes him clever…

Makes him feel the power that he should never have said no to.

-

He feels lonely when Bella is called away to control her freak daughter and goes against the vampire lords to help.

No matter how much power the Old Brothers have, Jasper still remembers the loyalty of the Cullen days and everything he is these days are reflected in Bella.

He doesn't remember how to live without her.

-

It's not love he knows this. But it's fucking close. Whether it's brotherly affection (but they've been siblings for many centuries) or the love of a friend or something else entirely, well, he doesn't know.

It's not what matters.

-

Edward still lives.

-

Rosalie had been lost in a domestic fight for territory.

-

Evana and Fallen, two fledging vampires breed by Carlisle, stands and greets the infamous Hales (Bella had taken his last name the second they left America to join to the vampire court, wishing to distance herself from the Cullens.)

-

When Nessy sees her mother's red eyes, she stumbles back in shock, not believing the stories that had been circulating the mythic underworld for the last twenty years.

-

He had been expecting it, but when Edward attacks, the first blow still gets him good.

His ears ring.

There is nothing like a vampire who is left by their mate. It's wrong! It's not how it's supposed to be.

But it is how it is.

Jasper has something Edward doesn't have and that is to his advantage. He's been living as a Volturi for years on end and the training is constant and never-ending.

Edward quickly falls and Jasper smiles in triumph.

-

Edward lives.

-

For the first time in years Bella and Jasper hunt in the forest surrounding Forks.

It's tranquil and perfect

In the air, he grabs her wrists and they come to a standstill on a stone in the middle of a streaming river. The snow is melting around them and he kisses her.

-

_Show me how to kiss…_


	3. 3

**Show Me How To Grieve 3**

Author: Cadeeo

Disclaimer: Bob's your uncle; Fanny's your aunt

A/N: You know why I do it

-

Show me how to run…

_-_

When Jacob discovers Nessy in Fallen's bed, Edward takes one look at him and they know they both have to leave.

It's time to put distance between them and Carlisle's coven, the close-knit family that had suffered so much loss.

-

First it had bee Nessy with her adolescent mind and teenage love.

-

Second it had been Alice, wonderful sweet Alice with her untimely death.

-

Third it had been Jasper who had been destroyed by grief and lust for hunger.

-

Fourth it had been Bella, the protector and the bond that held them all together.

-

Fifth it had been Rosalie that had been lost in a fight filled with such stupidity and insanity.

-

They walk the Earth aimlessly, seeing the world turn around them and the friendship that had grown steadily over the years flowered in the absence of Nessy and her prominent figure that had them both fettered to old grudges from centuries before.

Spain, Norway, China, Indonesia, Congo… they go everywhere.

They go everywhere but Italy.

It's an unspoken agreement.

-

Demitri finds them once in France and warns them to go back to America and the Cullen offspring that has been creating more trouble than usually without either Jacob's or Edward's supervision.

They don't go back.

-

They meet up with Emmett shortly, asking for news, but the big solemn vampire doesn't have much to offer. Carlisle seems to have found a way to keep Nessy under control and they all work hard to keep her that way.

The message is clear.

The Cullen Coven will not welcome them until Carlisle is sure Nessy has been straightened out.

-

Even though Jacob's senses could match any vampire, Edward stills has more years on his back.

He is the one who first feels the unusual happiness in a dying town.

He is the first one to smell the blood of the victims.

Bella hadn't been his longer than she _had_ been his, but the unmistakable smell of the old claim, his claim, lingers in the air as she blurs past him and stops on the edges of a fountain filled with lit-up water. It flows even in the midnight hours and she is a true vision.

-

He still loves her, even after all she has done.

And she knows it.

-

Edward wishes more than ever to know her thoughts, but they are as lost to him as the first day he had seen her in Forks.

He misses her humanity, but knows that whatever was left, after having mistakenly killed the human only three days before Jasper came back and they disappeared together, was gone.

The Volturi had seen to it centuries ago.

-

Jasper comes up beside her and the world suddenly seems a much brighter place. He's holding a vodka bottle in his hand and Edward recognises the brand as the only thing that can get a vampire vaguely drunk.

Bella whispers they have been celebrating.

The carnage is their poetry, the destruction is their lyrics and the kills are their song.

Jacob asks why? Why is she like this? Why can she find happiness in Jasper's presence, but not feel the love Edward wants to give her?

She doesn't answer.

She never answers anymore.

Not since the big fight that made her distance herself from Edward had he seen an honest look cross her features. Now, her face it scrunched up in hate, hostility and something that vaguely resemblance Hell's scorching fire.

-

Go home, Jasper says, this is our playground. Go back to the offspring you so love.

They have no choice.

-

Nessy meets them in the woods and apologises with all she's worth. The separation from Jacob had nearly killed her and she had wanted to go after him everyday, but Carlisle is smarter and never let her out of his sight.

She pleads and Jacob finally breaks.

Edward turns away from them and disappears into the woods to grieve in silence, Bella's old engagement ring clutched in his hand as he remembers the matching gold bands on Bella and Jasper's hand.

-

His last hope disappears with the sundown in the west.

-

Show me how to forget…

-

End (12/27/09)


	4. 4

**Show Me How To Grieve 4**

Author: Cadeeo

Disclaimer: Did you know Cadeeo is a synonym for Stephenie Meyer? Not! Hah ha, I got you all.

Summery: Carlisle's point of view. It's short and sweet.

A/N: once again I dedicate to my wonderful TwiFreaks who are the love of my life.

-

Carlisle goes through the days the same way he has always one. One year at the time with no hurry to achieve anything, because what more is there to achieve when he has a family he loves and he saves lives the way he's always wanted?

He has the outside perspective and can tell the story of the Cullens and their misfortune.

Is it a misfortune? He can never really decide.

-

In retrospect, letting Edward fall in love with a human girl, even though she was a caring and beautiful soul, was not the greatest decision he and Esmé made.

But seeing Edward happy had been the only thing that was important at the time.

-

He regrets it now.

He regrets it very much now.

-

Bella and Edward had given them Renesmé, troublesome and adolescent Nessy who had been spoiled and cared for from the time she was a little girl.

She had the attention of Jacob, fun and strong Jacob, whose sole purpose in life is to be hers.

She had Rosalie who would rather give her own life than see the girl hurt.

Edward's adoration for her was incomparable.

The rest of the family has loved her since she opened her eyes and charmed them into her net.

-

And all the while, Bella's feelings for the people around her had died along her father and mother and though that she loved Nessy were never in question it had not been enough.

One night, her eyes had glowed ruby red and Carlisle knew she would be lost to the darkness the same way Jasper had done.

Therefore it was never a shock when she disappeared and a bloody trail followed her until she and Jasper reached Italy and the Volturi Lords.

-

Yes, he regrets the day they had all decided it was safe to return to Forks.

He regrets it a lot.

-

End (12/30/09)


	5. 5

**Show Me How To Grieve… 5**

Author: Cadeeo

Disclaimer: I own everything! You see all that money I have in my account?

Summery: Nessy POV. The legend of Lady Isabella of Volterra

-

No one saw it coming, but no one was surprised that it did.

The Volturi Lords have fallen.

-

Nessy hears the news, but never believes.

The Volturi is the most constant thing in a vampire and half-breed's eternal life and with them falling… what is to become of their world?

-

The rumours fly throughout the mystical underworld and reach what was once the forest of Forks, Washington, and the Cullen family knows the messenger is not mistaken.

-

_Bella…_

_Jasper…_

-

It can't be true, but it is, it is!

Nessy cries for the mother she lost, the mother who is now responsible for the faith of the world and she knows they can only bring ruin.

That is what they were known as, the Hales.

-

She still remembers the first days of her life with perfect clarity. She remembers the struggles her family had to go through, but most of all she remembers her mother's love for her, which she had thought would last forever.

She remembers the pure love her parents shared before her mother grew bored of normal life.

Bella had been a fledging when Nessy had been born and had fought the normal urges of the vampire mindset because of the extreme love she was surrounded by…

But she had never seen the world and all its bright colours that Nessy herself loved just as much as she loved Jacob.

-

Rebellion feels good.

It goes through your body and makes you high.

You reach places that no man could ever conceive! This is the blessing of being who she is.

She _sees_.

-

Later, she realises it's also the greatest curse; because it makes her see her parents break-up before it even happens.

She sees her father heartbroken and lonely in their family home, while Bella slips away to join the Seattle nightlife.

Nessy leaves before the last final fight.

-

When her mother leaves with Jasper, her father destroys himself slowly and securely.

It takes him years to come to any sort of peace of mind and that is all shattered when she reappears in the midst of the grey fog, the clouds covering the otherwise shining vampire body in little crystals.

Her hair looks vibrant and alive and so does the rest of her.

There is a look in her eyes that Nessy has never seen before and hopes to never seen again.

Her beautiful mother, the legendary vampire who had made peace with the Wolves, had betrayed the Cullens. Her eyes shone.

Red…

-

She cries that night and her father comes, bruised and broken from the realisation that Bella most likely will never be his again.

Jasper has claimed a new mate even though he doesn't know it yet.

Nessy sees it in her father's eyes and she soaks his shirt with tears of yearning and sorrow and pain!

She'll never come back, she whispers. Never…

-

She makes the mistake of trying to once again getting her mother's attention by doing even more insane things that even surprises her.

She desperately wants to see her red-eyed mother, even though Bella kills and kills and kills and rules and a hundred other horrid things that are best left forgotten.

But Bella never comes and in one terrible moment she gives into Fallen's playful flirting and everything goes so wrong after that.

Jacob sees her and everything falls apart. She never wanted to hurt him, but in that moment getting her mother's approval is all that matters.

Her love and her father leaves with a word to Carlisle and for the first time ever, she is alone.

-

Her mother's name is no longer Bella Hales, but Lady Isabella of Volterra.

She is nothing the like submissive wives of the Volturi, because she has to take an active part of the world. Without the settled world of the Brothers, her and Jasper must keep a strong hand.

Everyone feels the changes.

-

The Transylvanian Coven tries to go public, but Lord and Lady Volterra fights them down harder than the Lords had ever done.

-

Others tries to go against them and every try is fought than harder than the former.

It's an evil circle and soon the rebellion fade.

Everyone goes back to the way they were before.

-

Few things have changed, but the Cullens _know_! They know it can never be the same again.

Nessy cries.

-

End (12/30/09)


	6. 6

**Show Me How To Grieve 6**

Author: Cadeeo

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my dislike for Edward and my love of Jasper.

Summery: Edward knows something must be done.

-

Over the next fifty years, humanity slowly dies out and the Reign of the Vampires is about to begin.

-

It all begins when covens appear in the Cullen domain and asks for help to live as 'vegetarians'.

News on the broadcasts is that a sickness is taking new lives every day. There is no stopping it, no cure, and no help, only ruthless death.

Humanity is dying.

-

Edward knows what must be done, but he is hesitant. It's only when Evana is nearly killed that he realises he can't put it off any longer.

-

Carlisle and Esmé stays behind with Jacob. The werewolf will not be welcome.

-

The Volterra walls looms over them as they enter the vampire capital and is instantly met by Demitri who merely indicates for them to follow.

-

He has never taken Nessy to Volterra, afraid of what the Old Brothers might have done to her and he sees that she has never entered the city by the look of awe on her face. If anything, her sense of self-preservation is bigger than her need for rebellion.

She points out old buildings and Edward does his best to tell the history of the city, but he has spent too much time avoiding it that he remembers very little. But Nessy doesn't care. He's happy to learn she has learned to treasure family.

-

Jasper greets them coolly, rising from Aro's old throne with beautiful carvings, dating back to the Romans. He is dressed in black from head to toe and it makes his ruby eyes stand out like the Northern star on a clear night.

Jane and Alec walk behind him when he comes down the steps and Edward feels the onslaught of power coming off his former brother in waves. It seems additional powers are giving to the ones ruling. Jasper was powerful before. Who knows what he can do now?

Bella is in Barcelona, he says. She won't be back for another twelve days.

He takes them to some of the most beautiful rooms Edward has ever seen in his long existence and kindly asks them to remain there unless asked after.

-

Jasper doesn't trust them

-

'Lady Volterra's half-breed offspring's here…'

_-_

'_Remember Edward Cullen? He's here!'_

_-_

'_Wouldn't want to be them.'_

-

He hears the guards' thoughts and sees the reason why Bella and Jasper were able to overthrow the Lords' long and rooted reign.

He admits to himself that what they have created is extraordinary and is already fulfilling its promise of being wonderful.

But nothing was like the old days, he thinks and stares at the clear night sky from the big open window. Nothing could ever be like the old times.

-

It's been seventy years since he last laid eyes on her, but, if possible, she has grown even more beautiful.

Royalty suits her, Edward grudgingly admits when they are summoned to the throne room.

For twelve days the Cullens have waited, but now she is finally there.

He doesn't see her at first, merely glancing at the black cloaked figure behind Alec and Demitri.

But when he realises it's her, his lips parts in surprise, blinded by her glory and magnificence and he realises that the love he and Evana has built over the years has been shot down without further ado.

His love for her still stands, stronger than ever…

-

Emmett explains the situation in simple words.

-

It's not Jasper and Bella Hale that sits in the ancients wooden thrones, but Lord and Lady Volterra, the rulers of the mythical underworld and it suddenly hits Edward how greatly he has underestimated them, still thinking them to be the two lost vampires leaving Forks with ruby eyes and a broken and deserted family left behind.

He listens to Jasper's thoughts for the first time, _really_ listens and what he hears is longer a surprise.

-

The last thing Jasper had done before ripping Aro apart was to absorb the Old Leader.

Sometime between loosing Alice and marrying Bella, Jasper has become an empath. Every day he would feel the emotions and shimmering power underneath, until one day he accidentally unleashes Jane's power on a rotten politician whose family has been in the Volterra money vault for decades.

That's when he knows.

That's why the Old Brothers retaliate and does little fighting to reclaim their territory.

That's why they die.

Edward shutter when Jasper pointedly thinks about the vision he had gotten forty years earlier.

-

He can no longer pretend it will always remain the same.

-

The Reign of the Vampires has indeed begun…

-

End (1/2/10)


	7. 7

**Show Me How To Grieve**

Author: Cadeeo

Disclaimer: do I have to?

A/N: slightly different from the other ones because I wanted a conversation between mother and daughter. Hope it doesn't disappoints too much.

- Renesmé -

Nessy is easily bored, which is not one of the best qualities to have when you are immortal, but that is nonetheless the way she works. She doesn't think it came from any of her parents. Her father had always been strangely subdued, even when him and her mother were still together. Her mother… well, what does she really know about her mother?

She remembers the stories sweet Alice used to tell her when she was still a child about the almighty Volturi and their beautiful city that was more history than Rome itself. She tries to remember these stories now, but they are as blurred as the memory of her mother's love.

The streets are eerily deserted, she discovers when she sneaks by the guards outside her door, and she is confident that she is stealthy enough long enough so they wont discover anything important in time to stop her. This is her night to learn about the oldest vampire lore and she will not pass that opportunity up for anything. When she looks at a clock over a bakery's shop, she notices it's time for every worker to find his or her way home, but nothing changes and for the first time, Nessy sees the harsh reality of the state of the world.

_It's sad how all the money they spent on preventing doomsday will all have been for nothing_, a startlingly familiar voice says beside her.

_Mother,_ Nessy whispers. She tries to be calm, but the presence of the woman, she has idolized for decades, is too overwhelming.

_Mother…_ Bella tastes the word in her mouth, but there is no pleasure written over her features_. I'm no mother._

Nessy feels the tears prickle in her eyes and closes them to stubbornly fight back. _You are my mother,_ she tells her, desperately trying to make her _see_.

_I see enough, Renesmé. We are vampires. There is no need for children._

_Don't you love me? _

The question lies thickly in the air, but no answer is forthcoming.

Nessy looks at the other woman, taking in every detail and committing it to memory. Her hair reaches her waist, flowing in soft brown curls with tiny diamond flowers strewn across to make it even more brilliant and colourful to the accurate vampire sight. She doesn't need make-up, her skin is perfect and her eyelashes are already dark enough. The long royal purple dress waves in the wind, but is kept mostly hidden by the grey cloak.

She is so beautiful that it hurts, but Nessy is oddly proud to have been born with the same genes.

_I'm not like your father and the other Cullens_, Bella says slowly and sits down on a nearby café chair. _I wished to be, but I never felt quite right. Something was missing. I didn't love Edward, only the idea of him._

_And you found that with Jasper, didn't you?_ Nessy can't help but spit out.

What Jasper and I share now took decades to achieve. It has been hard earned and will therefore not be easily broken.

That's when Nessy realises the woman she has wanted her mother to be is a picture, a figure of a dream. It's not real and never will be. Bella doesn't want her.

Bella smiles at her, a knowing look shining through sharp intelligence and quick wit.

_This is what you wanted me to realise, isn't it,_ mother? Disdain clouds Nessy's voice and she feels deceived and angry.

_Yes, Renesmé. That is what I wanted._

--


	8. 8

**Show me how to grieve 8**

Author: Cadeeo

Disclaimer: I don't own this for obvious reasons.

A/N: back to normal. Hope you like. Freja, this is still all for you.

Summery: Jasper's relationship with Bella.

-

Jasper feels Bella leave Nessy's presence gleefully.

She has said what she has wanted for decades.

She has put an end to Nessy's adolescent behaviour.

The last ties to the Cullens have been cut.

Jasper smiles.

-

He hasn't always loved her, Jasper remembers.

He does occasionally remember Alice and everything she was, but the wound is old and he can't feel the hurt anymore. He has moved on.

Giving Bella the world has fulfilled him more so than his love for Alice ever had done. He feels complete, so complete he sometimes stumbles back and wonders when his everlasting life had become to perfect?

-

Was it the time in the forest of Washington when his lips had first touched Bella's?

-

Was it the time in southern Asia where she had lead him into bed and made the stars explode?

-

Was it the time she had told him the love she felt for him surpassed any love she had felt for Edward?

-

Was it the time she had come too close to death and he had unleashed Jane's damnation onto an African village that stood against them as lions?

-

Was it the time she had first risen as Isabella of Volterra and she had smiled at him with love?

-

He has lived too long, too long to remember everything. But he remember the perfectness of her eyes, brilliant red that could hold so much passion and love and he is sure that is all that matters.

-

They both have other lovers and Jasper is sure that is the reason for their success.

It's uncharacteristic for claimed mates to go to other partners, but it is nonetheless what they do.

That does not mean they don't love each other, because he really does love her, but it just means they both understand that eternity is forever and not the day after tomorrow.

-

He knows Edward wanders the streets at night, being able to read the other vampires mind is a huge advantage, and he has tolerated it. After all he did steal the poor man's mate, but when he trespasses onto sacred Volterra land, once frequented only by the Volturi and now by him and Bella, Jasper sets out to meet him.

-

Edward's words are meant to be hurtful, but Jasper smiles.

Any respect he might have had for the other vampire has been long lost, so he sends Edward crumpling to the floor in pain and he tears down Edward's mental fences.

He sees the life Edward has lead and wonders how Bella had ever loved him.

-

Evana Westlake's face is the last one to appear before Jasper has mercy on Edward's mind…

-

The Cullens prepare to leave the very next day.

-

He takes Bella's gloved hand and leads her onto the white balcony, where they see first Emmett, than Nessy and finally Edward who limps slightly from Jasper's previous attack.

Bella is glad to see them go, she informs him with a smile and asks him to send them their _warmest_ regards.

-

Under them Edward breaks into an unexpected laugh. He trembles to the ground in hysterics and points upwards when Nessy questions him.

-

Jasper and Bella Hale smiles down at their former family and waves cheerfully.

Lord and Lady Volterra turn around and join their rule.

-

End (1/11/10)


End file.
